I have been horrible at this lately. And it's not that I've been terribly busy either, I just haven't really been in the blogging mood lately. But it's time! So I'm sure most of you know Erik and I are pregnant. We are so excited, we had been trying about 5 months, and I was so convinced that we weren't pregnant that I told him we'd just have to try again next month. But one night I just kept thinking about it, and I was like, you know what, who cares if it's a waste of money, I'm just gonna take a test so I can see the negative and get it out of my mind. So the next morning I peed on the stick, threw it on the floor convinced it was going to be negative so I didn't even look at it til I was about to wash my hands, and when I did I was shocked to see 'pregnant'. So all my fun cute ideas on how I wanted to tell Erik flew out the window cause I was so surprised, I just picked it up a ran into our bedroom and threw it on his pillow and didn't say a word, just sat there shaking and grinning. So we took another one about an hour later and it was still positive, and being the patient people we are, starting calling everyone we knew immediately! It's been so fun, and I'll be 8 weeks in a few days. But on to the real meat of this blog....
As soon as I found out I was pregnant we signed up for baby center, and pregnancy something, and something else, and now they send me emails each week letting me know what was happening in my pregnancy, which I love, but let me tell you what I HATE and what seems to be such an acceptable frame of mind when pregnant. In each e-mail I receive there is always a link to an article or something already attached about miscarriage...what to expect, what to look for, signs, etc....not that that info shouldn't be available, but seriously every time I open a e-mail I shouldn't be reading about how common miscarriage is and how it's advised to wait to tell people your pregnant til the 2nd trimester. I'm sorry, but there is something wrong with that mentality. I understand that miscarriages are common, but if it happens I'll deal with it, don't feed me horror stories and tell me to sit around waiting for 3 months to see if my baby is going to die.
After finding out we were pregnant within the same week the nightmares about miscarriages started, and then I'd wake up n the middle of the night to check to see if I had all the same symptoms, and if they were gone or not as strong I was frantic thinking I was about to miscarry. It was exhausting, and I wasn't getting any sleep, so I talked to my mom about it and asked Erik to pray over me and began trying to work through my fears. During this time that I was freaking out I would think to myself I wish I had more symptoms or sickness so at least I would feel pregnant, cause I had it pretty easy. Well about a week later I started waking up really sick and feeling horrible all day. I didn't really think about it, I just figured, I'm 7 weeks this is whats supposed to happen about now. Then about 2 nights ago I had a very vivid dream that I had miscarried and I told my mom and Erik and everyone kept telling me not to get my hopes up that the baby was still alive, but I kept saying, "NO! I feel totally at peace, I know my babys not dead." I started to get really angry that everyone was trying to convince me not to get my hopes up to much and expect the worst. And I just snapped and the whole night in my sleep I began just declaring life over my baby, prophesying, declaring scriptures over my baby, praying and I kept saying to everyone "God does NOT create life flippantly! He creates life with a destiny and purpose. He does not create just so He can take it away, death is not His master plan!" I began rebuking the plans of the enemy that would want to destroy life. I felt so much peace the next morning. Then the next night I dreamed that I started getting nauseated ( I probably actually was), and then I went into this like intercession, declaring thing again, in my sleep. I just remember declaring over and over again that I refuse to come into agreement with these symptoms because I don't have to deal with them, and I began to rebuke a spirit of fear that I had allowed in. I was just speaking peace to my stomach and began asking the Lord for forgiveness for not trusting Him to be in control of my pregnancy. The next morning I woke up with NO morning sickness, I felt so good, had great energy, and the next day. I still get tired early, but at least I can still function and not want to die when I smell someone cooking.
I'm not saying we should be naive, and I'm so glad the information is available. I understand that some people have miscarriages and there's no explanation. I just keep thinking about something, Fear is the opposite of Faith, and just as faith is empowering, fear is also. And it just makes me wonder how much power we have just handed to the enemy because we allow so much fear and torment into our hearts. Please don't take this wrong I'm not saying every miscarriage is because of fear, but I'm sure there are some out there. I don't want to grant the enemy that place in my life.
So I'm so grateful for clarity and spiritual sensitivity in the night seasons. That the prayers I don't know how to pray during the day come like a flood even when I'm asleep. I'm thankful that my spirit-man doesn't need sleep and that when my mind gets out of the way I can connect with God in such a deep way that brings so much peace to my heart. I'm so glad He loves me that much.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Knowing the value of blessing
Okay, so it' been awhile, and I won't lie, I've hit a few 'not feeling so blessed' slumps in that time. But not the whole time! After the holidays Erik and I hit the ground running to save up some money for our upcoming trip to WA., where we are now, aaaand where I was planning on doing lots of blogging, but as you can see my intentions have been just that, great intentions ;) But I've just enjoyed hanging out and doing nothing, not even blogging. But I've got some time on my hands and I'm in the mood....
I was trying to think about what blessings I'm grateful for, and I decided on 'the value of blessing'. Many people don't now how to look for blessings. They've never been taught. They're always looking for one step up, one little upgrade, or if this one little thing was different. But reality is no matter how great things get we seem to always want more or better, we forget to stop and be thankful for the little things.
Most of my life I've had a bit of a flare for the dramatic. Not usually in all things, but like when I get an idea stuck in my head it can go in a million directions verging on insane and by the time I get around to talking about the ant bite on my big toe I've decided that my life will be forever ruined because I'm going to have to have my big toe amputated. See what I'm getting at?? Anyways, without going into too much embarrassing history, a few years ago when I was in college I was living in Florida, fresh out of high school and I had done the unthinkable. I had signed up for a credit card, or five against my parents wishes. I was a bit (understatement) naive. My idea of a credit card was that I could load it up, buy whatever I wanted and simply pay a $10 monthly fee the rest of my life. Does it get any better than that!! And to top it off my mom had done something to help me build credit by putting my name on some of her stuff, so when I applied for credit cards I was approved usually for $5000-$10000. HEAVEN!
And then reality hit....
My express card was maxed out, and I had spent so much on other cards that my payments were far above $10 a month. And to top it all off I had gone home for a visit for a couple months and saved all my bill money for that time (cause I wouldn't have work) and one day when I put all my checks in the mail someone stole them out of my mailbox, washed the checks and decided to get their roof done! Of course I didn't even realize this had happened til the credit cards started calling asking where my payments were. So long story short I got it all worked out with the bank but the credit card company's had no mercy and sent my interest rates through the roof. Talk about a quick education in finance, haha! I got back to Florida, and I remember sitting on my bedroom floor one night in the cute little condo I rented with 3 other girls, and looking over my bills and crying hysterically. I couldn't talk to anyone about it, cause it was my big secret. But I had CC bills I couldn't pay, rent coming up that I couldn't pay, utilities, etc....then I started thinking about how the creditors would come after me and freeze all of my accounts until all my debt was paid off and I'd be kicked out of my house and I couldn't tell my parents, so when they called to ask how I was doing I'd need to put on a happy face and pretend that life was great even though i was huddled up in an old refrigerator box under the highway, and I'd need to come p with good excuses about how busy I was so they wouldn't come see me and what a horrible mess I've made of myself.
By this point I was hyperventilating through the tears and decided it was time to confess to my parents cause I would never survive the streets of Florida....unless, maybe if I made it over the bridge to the beach, hmmmm....I'd lose lots of weight eating fruit 'living off the land' be endlessly tan.... eh, who am I kidding!
My mom picked up 'hello?'
me: gasp, gasp, gasp, 'he' gasp' l' gasp 'l' gasp 'l' gasp 'lo?' gasp gasp
And then of course I freaked my mom out with my hysterics, she probably thought someone had died, but I set her straight. I came right out with it, between gasps of course. I proceeded to tell her about my future home living under a bridge and I probably wouldn't be able to afford my phone, and then I finally got to the part about having credit cards...lots of them. It was a brutal phone call, and my hyperventilating wasn't getting any better. Finally my dad got on the phone and said something so simple that snapped me back into reality.
Dad: 'Lacey, did you eat today?'
me: 'yes'
Dad:' Did you have a roof over your head today?'
me:'yes'
Dad:'Well then what else do you need?'
me: silence
Then he went on to explain that God took care of al my basic needs today and yesterday and I just needed to trust him.
Of course my parents helped me out with rent, but I just needed to be reminded that as terrifying and uncertain as life may seem at times, God watches over the mundane details as much as He watches over the mighty storms, but I just have to trust him day to day. He always good at 'course correcting' for us.
I screwed up, but God used that to teach me alot, and there were some really hard lessons in that, some that I'm still paying for. But I have food in my belly everyday, clothes on my back (stylish ones at that), and a roof over my head. I'm taken care of.
It's taken some hard lessons to teach me the value of blessing, but I'm grateful for it, because when everything goes wrong and it feels like the world and my 'life' is headed to hell in a handbasket, I can wipe the game board of life clean and look and see that I have all that I need. My God, my family, love, food, shelter, and clothes. I'm so taken care of, and I know how to hunt down a blessing!
I was trying to think about what blessings I'm grateful for, and I decided on 'the value of blessing'. Many people don't now how to look for blessings. They've never been taught. They're always looking for one step up, one little upgrade, or if this one little thing was different. But reality is no matter how great things get we seem to always want more or better, we forget to stop and be thankful for the little things.
Most of my life I've had a bit of a flare for the dramatic. Not usually in all things, but like when I get an idea stuck in my head it can go in a million directions verging on insane and by the time I get around to talking about the ant bite on my big toe I've decided that my life will be forever ruined because I'm going to have to have my big toe amputated. See what I'm getting at?? Anyways, without going into too much embarrassing history, a few years ago when I was in college I was living in Florida, fresh out of high school and I had done the unthinkable. I had signed up for a credit card, or five against my parents wishes. I was a bit (understatement) naive. My idea of a credit card was that I could load it up, buy whatever I wanted and simply pay a $10 monthly fee the rest of my life. Does it get any better than that!! And to top it off my mom had done something to help me build credit by putting my name on some of her stuff, so when I applied for credit cards I was approved usually for $5000-$10000. HEAVEN!
And then reality hit....
My express card was maxed out, and I had spent so much on other cards that my payments were far above $10 a month. And to top it all off I had gone home for a visit for a couple months and saved all my bill money for that time (cause I wouldn't have work) and one day when I put all my checks in the mail someone stole them out of my mailbox, washed the checks and decided to get their roof done! Of course I didn't even realize this had happened til the credit cards started calling asking where my payments were. So long story short I got it all worked out with the bank but the credit card company's had no mercy and sent my interest rates through the roof. Talk about a quick education in finance, haha! I got back to Florida, and I remember sitting on my bedroom floor one night in the cute little condo I rented with 3 other girls, and looking over my bills and crying hysterically. I couldn't talk to anyone about it, cause it was my big secret. But I had CC bills I couldn't pay, rent coming up that I couldn't pay, utilities, etc....then I started thinking about how the creditors would come after me and freeze all of my accounts until all my debt was paid off and I'd be kicked out of my house and I couldn't tell my parents, so when they called to ask how I was doing I'd need to put on a happy face and pretend that life was great even though i was huddled up in an old refrigerator box under the highway, and I'd need to come p with good excuses about how busy I was so they wouldn't come see me and what a horrible mess I've made of myself.
By this point I was hyperventilating through the tears and decided it was time to confess to my parents cause I would never survive the streets of Florida....unless, maybe if I made it over the bridge to the beach, hmmmm....I'd lose lots of weight eating fruit 'living off the land' be endlessly tan.... eh, who am I kidding!
My mom picked up 'hello?'
me: gasp, gasp, gasp, 'he' gasp' l' gasp 'l' gasp 'l' gasp 'lo?' gasp gasp
And then of course I freaked my mom out with my hysterics, she probably thought someone had died, but I set her straight. I came right out with it, between gasps of course. I proceeded to tell her about my future home living under a bridge and I probably wouldn't be able to afford my phone, and then I finally got to the part about having credit cards...lots of them. It was a brutal phone call, and my hyperventilating wasn't getting any better. Finally my dad got on the phone and said something so simple that snapped me back into reality.
Dad: 'Lacey, did you eat today?'
me: 'yes'
Dad:' Did you have a roof over your head today?'
me:'yes'
Dad:'Well then what else do you need?'
me: silence
Then he went on to explain that God took care of al my basic needs today and yesterday and I just needed to trust him.
Of course my parents helped me out with rent, but I just needed to be reminded that as terrifying and uncertain as life may seem at times, God watches over the mundane details as much as He watches over the mighty storms, but I just have to trust him day to day. He always good at 'course correcting' for us.
I screwed up, but God used that to teach me alot, and there were some really hard lessons in that, some that I'm still paying for. But I have food in my belly everyday, clothes on my back (stylish ones at that), and a roof over my head. I'm taken care of.
It's taken some hard lessons to teach me the value of blessing, but I'm grateful for it, because when everything goes wrong and it feels like the world and my 'life' is headed to hell in a handbasket, I can wipe the game board of life clean and look and see that I have all that I need. My God, my family, love, food, shelter, and clothes. I'm so taken care of, and I know how to hunt down a blessing!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
A humiliating history;-)
I promise I haven't given up sooo soon. I started this when I had a few glorious days off of work and I was in 'veggin' heaven, writing blogs and putting on my 'winter coat' I think I'm probably up to 5lbs now ;-) Then of course it was back to work (extra hard because we'll be out of town for 9 days pretty soon), and it was my birthday eve and my birthday, then I went to write a blog THREE times and couldn't cause our internet has been acting really weird and has been down all of those times!! But alas.....
I'm so grateful for my car!!! I know it sounds cheesy, but I learned to drive in a 77' yellow suburburn that was half rusted and about a third of it was primed (painted gray) and it was a beast. It was a lesson in humility to say the least. Then my dad found a red minivan for me (I think for free) he fixed it and gave it to me to drive, until I killed it of course by not putting oil in it. Then there was my favorite 'the boat' it was this forever long navy blue like 70's luxury car that literally felt like you were floating over waves when you hit a bump. I killed the transmission in that one right ontop of some train tracks at mid-night coming home from work....happiest night of my life! Then it was on to my after high school years and I graduated from the 70's era of vehicles to the 80's. I moved to Florida and bought my first car for $2000. It was another granny car,navy blue, but I must say the shortest and most normal looking car I'd had, only difference was it was just 20 years older than everyone else's. I drove that one all over Florida then back to Tx at least twice. I don't remember what happened to it, but it was time for a new car....du du duuunnnnn
My Gradma's old 94' buick, silver! I had made it to the 90's. Yet still when going out with a group of friends no one ever wanted to take my car...can't imagine why. I drove that around Tx. a while then found out I was moving to Arizona. So I took my car. It had some trouble in the heat, it died a few times, the windows stopped working AND THEN the air conditioner went out! It was miserable. Then to top off the beauty of that car the sun was so hot that it melted (literally) my dash and the peices that frame the windsheild curled out, it was not so pretty. After Arizona I was moving to North Carolina. I knew the car wouln't make it, nor did I want it to! So I sold it to whoever would take it. Then moved to N.C. The couple I worked for had an extra car they let me borrow for a few months, then when I went home for Christmas I bought the car I had dreamed about for all these years...used of course :-) A silver 2003 Toyota Forunner!!!! I was in heaven! I baby'd that thing sooo much, I was so careful. And I kinda thought maybe it would wear off a litlle over the years, but not really. I've had that car for 2 years now and I LOVE it. I'm so proud of it.
I remember in all of my crappy car years being so humiliated showing up to meet new people, or to jobs, or going places and no one wanted to take my car. But my dad was right, it was a lesson in humilty. I got over it, I'd laugh about it and joke about it. It sucked, but I never had a car payment til 2 years ago, and more importantly I learned to value a blessing. (And how to kill a transmission on a car if you wanted to get rid of it!)
Thank you Jesus for a reliable car! And payments that I can afford! And giving me the desires of my heart. You're a good Daddy!
I'm so grateful for my car!!! I know it sounds cheesy, but I learned to drive in a 77' yellow suburburn that was half rusted and about a third of it was primed (painted gray) and it was a beast. It was a lesson in humility to say the least. Then my dad found a red minivan for me (I think for free) he fixed it and gave it to me to drive, until I killed it of course by not putting oil in it. Then there was my favorite 'the boat' it was this forever long navy blue like 70's luxury car that literally felt like you were floating over waves when you hit a bump. I killed the transmission in that one right ontop of some train tracks at mid-night coming home from work....happiest night of my life! Then it was on to my after high school years and I graduated from the 70's era of vehicles to the 80's. I moved to Florida and bought my first car for $2000. It was another granny car,navy blue, but I must say the shortest and most normal looking car I'd had, only difference was it was just 20 years older than everyone else's. I drove that one all over Florida then back to Tx at least twice. I don't remember what happened to it, but it was time for a new car....du du duuunnnnn
My Gradma's old 94' buick, silver! I had made it to the 90's. Yet still when going out with a group of friends no one ever wanted to take my car...can't imagine why. I drove that around Tx. a while then found out I was moving to Arizona. So I took my car. It had some trouble in the heat, it died a few times, the windows stopped working AND THEN the air conditioner went out! It was miserable. Then to top off the beauty of that car the sun was so hot that it melted (literally) my dash and the peices that frame the windsheild curled out, it was not so pretty. After Arizona I was moving to North Carolina. I knew the car wouln't make it, nor did I want it to! So I sold it to whoever would take it. Then moved to N.C. The couple I worked for had an extra car they let me borrow for a few months, then when I went home for Christmas I bought the car I had dreamed about for all these years...used of course :-) A silver 2003 Toyota Forunner!!!! I was in heaven! I baby'd that thing sooo much, I was so careful. And I kinda thought maybe it would wear off a litlle over the years, but not really. I've had that car for 2 years now and I LOVE it. I'm so proud of it.
I remember in all of my crappy car years being so humiliated showing up to meet new people, or to jobs, or going places and no one wanted to take my car. But my dad was right, it was a lesson in humilty. I got over it, I'd laugh about it and joke about it. It sucked, but I never had a car payment til 2 years ago, and more importantly I learned to value a blessing. (And how to kill a transmission on a car if you wanted to get rid of it!)
Thank you Jesus for a reliable car! And payments that I can afford! And giving me the desires of my heart. You're a good Daddy!
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