Screw you Status Quo

I have been horrible at this lately.  And it's not that I've been terribly busy either, I just haven't really been in the blogging mood lately. But it's time!  So I'm sure most of you know Erik and I are pregnant. We are so excited, we had been trying about 5 months, and I was so convinced that we weren't pregnant that I told him we'd just have to try again next month. But one night I just kept thinking about it, and I was like, you know what, who cares if it's a waste of money, I'm just gonna take a test so I can see the negative and get it out of my mind. So the next morning I peed on the stick, threw it on the floor convinced it was going to be negative so I didn't even look at it til I was about to wash my hands, and when I did I was shocked to see 'pregnant'. So all my fun cute ideas on how I wanted to tell Erik flew out the window cause I was so surprised, I just picked it up a ran into our bedroom and threw it on his pillow and didn't say a word, just sat there shaking and grinning. So we took another one about an hour later and it was still positive, and being the patient people we are, starting calling everyone we knew immediately! It's been so fun, and I'll be 8 weeks in a few days. But on to the real meat of this blog....

As soon as I found out I was pregnant we signed up for baby center, and pregnancy something, and something else, and now they send me emails each week letting me know what was happening in my pregnancy, which I love, but let me tell you what I HATE and what seems to be such an acceptable frame of mind when pregnant. In each e-mail I receive there is always a link to an article or something already attached about miscarriage...what to expect, what to look for, signs, etc....not that that info shouldn't be available, but seriously every time I open a e-mail I shouldn't be reading about how common miscarriage is and how it's advised to wait to tell people your pregnant til the 2nd trimester. I'm sorry, but there is something wrong with that mentality. I understand that miscarriages are common, but if it happens I'll deal with it, don't feed me horror stories and tell me to sit around waiting for 3 months to see if my baby is going to die.

After finding out we were pregnant within the same week the nightmares about miscarriages started, and then I'd wake up n the middle of the night to check to see if I had all the same symptoms, and if they were gone or not as strong I was frantic thinking I was about to miscarry. It was exhausting, and I wasn't getting any sleep, so I talked to my mom about it and asked Erik to pray over me and began trying to work through my fears. During this time that I was freaking out I would think to myself I wish I had more symptoms or sickness so at least I would feel pregnant, cause I had it pretty easy. Well about a week later I started waking up really sick and feeling horrible all day.  I didn't really think about it, I just figured, I'm 7 weeks this is whats supposed to happen about now. Then about 2 nights ago I had a very vivid dream that I had miscarried and I told my mom and Erik and everyone kept telling me not to get my hopes up that the baby was still alive, but I kept saying, "NO! I feel totally at peace, I know my babys not dead." I started to get really angry that everyone was trying to convince me not to get my hopes up to much and expect the worst. And I just snapped and the whole night in my sleep I began just declaring life over my baby, prophesying, declaring scriptures over my baby, praying and I kept saying to everyone "God does NOT create life flippantly! He creates life with a destiny and purpose. He does not create just so He can take it away, death is not His master plan!" I began rebuking the plans of the enemy that would want to destroy life. I felt so much peace the next morning.  Then the next night I dreamed that I started getting nauseated ( I probably actually was), and then I went into this like intercession, declaring thing again, in my sleep. I just remember declaring over and over again that I refuse to come into agreement with these symptoms because I don't have to deal with them, and I began to rebuke a spirit of fear that I had allowed in. I was just speaking peace to my stomach and began asking the Lord for forgiveness for not trusting Him to be in control of my pregnancy. The next morning I woke up with NO morning sickness, I felt so good, had great energy, and the next day. I still get tired early, but at least I can still function and not want to die when I smell someone cooking. 

I'm not saying we should be naive, and I'm so glad the information is available. I understand that some people have miscarriages and there's no explanation. I just keep thinking about something, Fear is the opposite of Faith, and just as faith is empowering, fear is also. And it just makes me wonder how much power we have just handed to the enemy because we allow so much fear and torment into our hearts.  Please don't take this wrong I'm not saying every miscarriage is because of fear, but I'm sure there are some out there.  I don't want to grant the enemy that place in my life. 

So I'm so grateful for clarity and spiritual sensitivity in the night seasons. That the prayers I don't know how to pray during the day come like a flood even when I'm asleep. I'm thankful that my spirit-man doesn't need sleep and that when my mind gets out of the way I can connect with God in such a deep way that brings so much peace to my heart. I'm so glad He loves me that much.