I have been horrible at this lately. And it's not that I've been terribly busy either, I just haven't really been in the blogging mood lately. But it's time! So I'm sure most of you know Erik and I are pregnant. We are so excited, we had been trying about 5 months, and I was so convinced that we weren't pregnant that I told him we'd just have to try again next month. But one night I just kept thinking about it, and I was like, you know what, who cares if it's a waste of money, I'm just gonna take a test so I can see the negative and get it out of my mind. So the next morning I peed on the stick, threw it on the floor convinced it was going to be negative so I didn't even look at it til I was about to wash my hands, and when I did I was shocked to see 'pregnant'. So all my fun cute ideas on how I wanted to tell Erik flew out the window cause I was so surprised, I just picked it up a ran into our bedroom and threw it on his pillow and didn't say a word, just sat there shaking and grinning. So we took another one about an hour later and it was still positive, and being the patient people we are, starting calling everyone we knew immediately! It's been so fun, and I'll be 8 weeks in a few days. But on to the real meat of this blog....
As soon as I found out I was pregnant we signed up for baby center, and pregnancy something, and something else, and now they send me emails each week letting me know what was happening in my pregnancy, which I love, but let me tell you what I HATE and what seems to be such an acceptable frame of mind when pregnant. In each e-mail I receive there is always a link to an article or something already attached about miscarriage...what to expect, what to look for, signs, etc....not that that info shouldn't be available, but seriously every time I open a e-mail I shouldn't be reading about how common miscarriage is and how it's advised to wait to tell people your pregnant til the 2nd trimester. I'm sorry, but there is something wrong with that mentality. I understand that miscarriages are common, but if it happens I'll deal with it, don't feed me horror stories and tell me to sit around waiting for 3 months to see if my baby is going to die.
After finding out we were pregnant within the same week the nightmares about miscarriages started, and then I'd wake up n the middle of the night to check to see if I had all the same symptoms, and if they were gone or not as strong I was frantic thinking I was about to miscarry. It was exhausting, and I wasn't getting any sleep, so I talked to my mom about it and asked Erik to pray over me and began trying to work through my fears. During this time that I was freaking out I would think to myself I wish I had more symptoms or sickness so at least I would feel pregnant, cause I had it pretty easy. Well about a week later I started waking up really sick and feeling horrible all day. I didn't really think about it, I just figured, I'm 7 weeks this is whats supposed to happen about now. Then about 2 nights ago I had a very vivid dream that I had miscarried and I told my mom and Erik and everyone kept telling me not to get my hopes up that the baby was still alive, but I kept saying, "NO! I feel totally at peace, I know my babys not dead." I started to get really angry that everyone was trying to convince me not to get my hopes up to much and expect the worst. And I just snapped and the whole night in my sleep I began just declaring life over my baby, prophesying, declaring scriptures over my baby, praying and I kept saying to everyone "God does NOT create life flippantly! He creates life with a destiny and purpose. He does not create just so He can take it away, death is not His master plan!" I began rebuking the plans of the enemy that would want to destroy life. I felt so much peace the next morning. Then the next night I dreamed that I started getting nauseated ( I probably actually was), and then I went into this like intercession, declaring thing again, in my sleep. I just remember declaring over and over again that I refuse to come into agreement with these symptoms because I don't have to deal with them, and I began to rebuke a spirit of fear that I had allowed in. I was just speaking peace to my stomach and began asking the Lord for forgiveness for not trusting Him to be in control of my pregnancy. The next morning I woke up with NO morning sickness, I felt so good, had great energy, and the next day. I still get tired early, but at least I can still function and not want to die when I smell someone cooking.
I'm not saying we should be naive, and I'm so glad the information is available. I understand that some people have miscarriages and there's no explanation. I just keep thinking about something, Fear is the opposite of Faith, and just as faith is empowering, fear is also. And it just makes me wonder how much power we have just handed to the enemy because we allow so much fear and torment into our hearts. Please don't take this wrong I'm not saying every miscarriage is because of fear, but I'm sure there are some out there. I don't want to grant the enemy that place in my life.
So I'm so grateful for clarity and spiritual sensitivity in the night seasons. That the prayers I don't know how to pray during the day come like a flood even when I'm asleep. I'm thankful that my spirit-man doesn't need sleep and that when my mind gets out of the way I can connect with God in such a deep way that brings so much peace to my heart. I'm so glad He loves me that much.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Knowing the value of blessing
Okay, so it' been awhile, and I won't lie, I've hit a few 'not feeling so blessed' slumps in that time. But not the whole time! After the holidays Erik and I hit the ground running to save up some money for our upcoming trip to WA., where we are now, aaaand where I was planning on doing lots of blogging, but as you can see my intentions have been just that, great intentions ;) But I've just enjoyed hanging out and doing nothing, not even blogging. But I've got some time on my hands and I'm in the mood....
I was trying to think about what blessings I'm grateful for, and I decided on 'the value of blessing'. Many people don't now how to look for blessings. They've never been taught. They're always looking for one step up, one little upgrade, or if this one little thing was different. But reality is no matter how great things get we seem to always want more or better, we forget to stop and be thankful for the little things.
Most of my life I've had a bit of a flare for the dramatic. Not usually in all things, but like when I get an idea stuck in my head it can go in a million directions verging on insane and by the time I get around to talking about the ant bite on my big toe I've decided that my life will be forever ruined because I'm going to have to have my big toe amputated. See what I'm getting at?? Anyways, without going into too much embarrassing history, a few years ago when I was in college I was living in Florida, fresh out of high school and I had done the unthinkable. I had signed up for a credit card, or five against my parents wishes. I was a bit (understatement) naive. My idea of a credit card was that I could load it up, buy whatever I wanted and simply pay a $10 monthly fee the rest of my life. Does it get any better than that!! And to top it off my mom had done something to help me build credit by putting my name on some of her stuff, so when I applied for credit cards I was approved usually for $5000-$10000. HEAVEN!
And then reality hit....
My express card was maxed out, and I had spent so much on other cards that my payments were far above $10 a month. And to top it all off I had gone home for a visit for a couple months and saved all my bill money for that time (cause I wouldn't have work) and one day when I put all my checks in the mail someone stole them out of my mailbox, washed the checks and decided to get their roof done! Of course I didn't even realize this had happened til the credit cards started calling asking where my payments were. So long story short I got it all worked out with the bank but the credit card company's had no mercy and sent my interest rates through the roof. Talk about a quick education in finance, haha! I got back to Florida, and I remember sitting on my bedroom floor one night in the cute little condo I rented with 3 other girls, and looking over my bills and crying hysterically. I couldn't talk to anyone about it, cause it was my big secret. But I had CC bills I couldn't pay, rent coming up that I couldn't pay, utilities, etc....then I started thinking about how the creditors would come after me and freeze all of my accounts until all my debt was paid off and I'd be kicked out of my house and I couldn't tell my parents, so when they called to ask how I was doing I'd need to put on a happy face and pretend that life was great even though i was huddled up in an old refrigerator box under the highway, and I'd need to come p with good excuses about how busy I was so they wouldn't come see me and what a horrible mess I've made of myself.
By this point I was hyperventilating through the tears and decided it was time to confess to my parents cause I would never survive the streets of Florida....unless, maybe if I made it over the bridge to the beach, hmmmm....I'd lose lots of weight eating fruit 'living off the land' be endlessly tan.... eh, who am I kidding!
My mom picked up 'hello?'
me: gasp, gasp, gasp, 'he' gasp' l' gasp 'l' gasp 'l' gasp 'lo?' gasp gasp
And then of course I freaked my mom out with my hysterics, she probably thought someone had died, but I set her straight. I came right out with it, between gasps of course. I proceeded to tell her about my future home living under a bridge and I probably wouldn't be able to afford my phone, and then I finally got to the part about having credit cards...lots of them. It was a brutal phone call, and my hyperventilating wasn't getting any better. Finally my dad got on the phone and said something so simple that snapped me back into reality.
Dad: 'Lacey, did you eat today?'
me: 'yes'
Dad:' Did you have a roof over your head today?'
me:'yes'
Dad:'Well then what else do you need?'
me: silence
Then he went on to explain that God took care of al my basic needs today and yesterday and I just needed to trust him.
Of course my parents helped me out with rent, but I just needed to be reminded that as terrifying and uncertain as life may seem at times, God watches over the mundane details as much as He watches over the mighty storms, but I just have to trust him day to day. He always good at 'course correcting' for us.
I screwed up, but God used that to teach me alot, and there were some really hard lessons in that, some that I'm still paying for. But I have food in my belly everyday, clothes on my back (stylish ones at that), and a roof over my head. I'm taken care of.
It's taken some hard lessons to teach me the value of blessing, but I'm grateful for it, because when everything goes wrong and it feels like the world and my 'life' is headed to hell in a handbasket, I can wipe the game board of life clean and look and see that I have all that I need. My God, my family, love, food, shelter, and clothes. I'm so taken care of, and I know how to hunt down a blessing!
I was trying to think about what blessings I'm grateful for, and I decided on 'the value of blessing'. Many people don't now how to look for blessings. They've never been taught. They're always looking for one step up, one little upgrade, or if this one little thing was different. But reality is no matter how great things get we seem to always want more or better, we forget to stop and be thankful for the little things.
Most of my life I've had a bit of a flare for the dramatic. Not usually in all things, but like when I get an idea stuck in my head it can go in a million directions verging on insane and by the time I get around to talking about the ant bite on my big toe I've decided that my life will be forever ruined because I'm going to have to have my big toe amputated. See what I'm getting at?? Anyways, without going into too much embarrassing history, a few years ago when I was in college I was living in Florida, fresh out of high school and I had done the unthinkable. I had signed up for a credit card, or five against my parents wishes. I was a bit (understatement) naive. My idea of a credit card was that I could load it up, buy whatever I wanted and simply pay a $10 monthly fee the rest of my life. Does it get any better than that!! And to top it off my mom had done something to help me build credit by putting my name on some of her stuff, so when I applied for credit cards I was approved usually for $5000-$10000. HEAVEN!
And then reality hit....
My express card was maxed out, and I had spent so much on other cards that my payments were far above $10 a month. And to top it all off I had gone home for a visit for a couple months and saved all my bill money for that time (cause I wouldn't have work) and one day when I put all my checks in the mail someone stole them out of my mailbox, washed the checks and decided to get their roof done! Of course I didn't even realize this had happened til the credit cards started calling asking where my payments were. So long story short I got it all worked out with the bank but the credit card company's had no mercy and sent my interest rates through the roof. Talk about a quick education in finance, haha! I got back to Florida, and I remember sitting on my bedroom floor one night in the cute little condo I rented with 3 other girls, and looking over my bills and crying hysterically. I couldn't talk to anyone about it, cause it was my big secret. But I had CC bills I couldn't pay, rent coming up that I couldn't pay, utilities, etc....then I started thinking about how the creditors would come after me and freeze all of my accounts until all my debt was paid off and I'd be kicked out of my house and I couldn't tell my parents, so when they called to ask how I was doing I'd need to put on a happy face and pretend that life was great even though i was huddled up in an old refrigerator box under the highway, and I'd need to come p with good excuses about how busy I was so they wouldn't come see me and what a horrible mess I've made of myself.
By this point I was hyperventilating through the tears and decided it was time to confess to my parents cause I would never survive the streets of Florida....unless, maybe if I made it over the bridge to the beach, hmmmm....I'd lose lots of weight eating fruit 'living off the land' be endlessly tan.... eh, who am I kidding!
My mom picked up 'hello?'
me: gasp, gasp, gasp, 'he' gasp' l' gasp 'l' gasp 'l' gasp 'lo?' gasp gasp
And then of course I freaked my mom out with my hysterics, she probably thought someone had died, but I set her straight. I came right out with it, between gasps of course. I proceeded to tell her about my future home living under a bridge and I probably wouldn't be able to afford my phone, and then I finally got to the part about having credit cards...lots of them. It was a brutal phone call, and my hyperventilating wasn't getting any better. Finally my dad got on the phone and said something so simple that snapped me back into reality.
Dad: 'Lacey, did you eat today?'
me: 'yes'
Dad:' Did you have a roof over your head today?'
me:'yes'
Dad:'Well then what else do you need?'
me: silence
Then he went on to explain that God took care of al my basic needs today and yesterday and I just needed to trust him.
Of course my parents helped me out with rent, but I just needed to be reminded that as terrifying and uncertain as life may seem at times, God watches over the mundane details as much as He watches over the mighty storms, but I just have to trust him day to day. He always good at 'course correcting' for us.
I screwed up, but God used that to teach me alot, and there were some really hard lessons in that, some that I'm still paying for. But I have food in my belly everyday, clothes on my back (stylish ones at that), and a roof over my head. I'm taken care of.
It's taken some hard lessons to teach me the value of blessing, but I'm grateful for it, because when everything goes wrong and it feels like the world and my 'life' is headed to hell in a handbasket, I can wipe the game board of life clean and look and see that I have all that I need. My God, my family, love, food, shelter, and clothes. I'm so taken care of, and I know how to hunt down a blessing!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
A humiliating history;-)
I promise I haven't given up sooo soon. I started this when I had a few glorious days off of work and I was in 'veggin' heaven, writing blogs and putting on my 'winter coat' I think I'm probably up to 5lbs now ;-) Then of course it was back to work (extra hard because we'll be out of town for 9 days pretty soon), and it was my birthday eve and my birthday, then I went to write a blog THREE times and couldn't cause our internet has been acting really weird and has been down all of those times!! But alas.....
I'm so grateful for my car!!! I know it sounds cheesy, but I learned to drive in a 77' yellow suburburn that was half rusted and about a third of it was primed (painted gray) and it was a beast. It was a lesson in humility to say the least. Then my dad found a red minivan for me (I think for free) he fixed it and gave it to me to drive, until I killed it of course by not putting oil in it. Then there was my favorite 'the boat' it was this forever long navy blue like 70's luxury car that literally felt like you were floating over waves when you hit a bump. I killed the transmission in that one right ontop of some train tracks at mid-night coming home from work....happiest night of my life! Then it was on to my after high school years and I graduated from the 70's era of vehicles to the 80's. I moved to Florida and bought my first car for $2000. It was another granny car,navy blue, but I must say the shortest and most normal looking car I'd had, only difference was it was just 20 years older than everyone else's. I drove that one all over Florida then back to Tx at least twice. I don't remember what happened to it, but it was time for a new car....du du duuunnnnn
My Gradma's old 94' buick, silver! I had made it to the 90's. Yet still when going out with a group of friends no one ever wanted to take my car...can't imagine why. I drove that around Tx. a while then found out I was moving to Arizona. So I took my car. It had some trouble in the heat, it died a few times, the windows stopped working AND THEN the air conditioner went out! It was miserable. Then to top off the beauty of that car the sun was so hot that it melted (literally) my dash and the peices that frame the windsheild curled out, it was not so pretty. After Arizona I was moving to North Carolina. I knew the car wouln't make it, nor did I want it to! So I sold it to whoever would take it. Then moved to N.C. The couple I worked for had an extra car they let me borrow for a few months, then when I went home for Christmas I bought the car I had dreamed about for all these years...used of course :-) A silver 2003 Toyota Forunner!!!! I was in heaven! I baby'd that thing sooo much, I was so careful. And I kinda thought maybe it would wear off a litlle over the years, but not really. I've had that car for 2 years now and I LOVE it. I'm so proud of it.
I remember in all of my crappy car years being so humiliated showing up to meet new people, or to jobs, or going places and no one wanted to take my car. But my dad was right, it was a lesson in humilty. I got over it, I'd laugh about it and joke about it. It sucked, but I never had a car payment til 2 years ago, and more importantly I learned to value a blessing. (And how to kill a transmission on a car if you wanted to get rid of it!)
Thank you Jesus for a reliable car! And payments that I can afford! And giving me the desires of my heart. You're a good Daddy!
I'm so grateful for my car!!! I know it sounds cheesy, but I learned to drive in a 77' yellow suburburn that was half rusted and about a third of it was primed (painted gray) and it was a beast. It was a lesson in humility to say the least. Then my dad found a red minivan for me (I think for free) he fixed it and gave it to me to drive, until I killed it of course by not putting oil in it. Then there was my favorite 'the boat' it was this forever long navy blue like 70's luxury car that literally felt like you were floating over waves when you hit a bump. I killed the transmission in that one right ontop of some train tracks at mid-night coming home from work....happiest night of my life! Then it was on to my after high school years and I graduated from the 70's era of vehicles to the 80's. I moved to Florida and bought my first car for $2000. It was another granny car,navy blue, but I must say the shortest and most normal looking car I'd had, only difference was it was just 20 years older than everyone else's. I drove that one all over Florida then back to Tx at least twice. I don't remember what happened to it, but it was time for a new car....du du duuunnnnn
My Gradma's old 94' buick, silver! I had made it to the 90's. Yet still when going out with a group of friends no one ever wanted to take my car...can't imagine why. I drove that around Tx. a while then found out I was moving to Arizona. So I took my car. It had some trouble in the heat, it died a few times, the windows stopped working AND THEN the air conditioner went out! It was miserable. Then to top off the beauty of that car the sun was so hot that it melted (literally) my dash and the peices that frame the windsheild curled out, it was not so pretty. After Arizona I was moving to North Carolina. I knew the car wouln't make it, nor did I want it to! So I sold it to whoever would take it. Then moved to N.C. The couple I worked for had an extra car they let me borrow for a few months, then when I went home for Christmas I bought the car I had dreamed about for all these years...used of course :-) A silver 2003 Toyota Forunner!!!! I was in heaven! I baby'd that thing sooo much, I was so careful. And I kinda thought maybe it would wear off a litlle over the years, but not really. I've had that car for 2 years now and I LOVE it. I'm so proud of it.
I remember in all of my crappy car years being so humiliated showing up to meet new people, or to jobs, or going places and no one wanted to take my car. But my dad was right, it was a lesson in humilty. I got over it, I'd laugh about it and joke about it. It sucked, but I never had a car payment til 2 years ago, and more importantly I learned to value a blessing. (And how to kill a transmission on a car if you wanted to get rid of it!)
Thank you Jesus for a reliable car! And payments that I can afford! And giving me the desires of my heart. You're a good Daddy!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Everywhere I turn
It's so funny, since I've decided to do this everywhere I turn I seem to hear stuff about the health benefits of joy/thankfulness/optimism/etc.. Just yesterday I took my mom to the doctors office and had to wait forever and I can across like THREE magazine articles on the subject. Then got home last night and God TV was on and just walking through the living room I caught them talking about Paul and Silas in jail and how in the midst of their darkest moments they began to praise God and their praise set them free.
So this got me thinking a bit. When God would send the Israelites to war, it wasn't those who were going to be doing the fighting who were on the front lines, it was the worshipers. There's so many places in the bible it talks about in your darkest times, in the worst part of the storm, that's the place to begin to praise God for His faithfulness, to worship Him because of who He is, to remember! Because when we remember His faithfulness and what He's done for us in the past and how He's never failed us and so far we've never been left to die in a storm, then we grab hold of something tangible in the spirit realm and we pull it into our now! It's exactly what we do when we read the word. We read (and remember) the faithfulness of God for others and the promises that were made to us in those times and we grab hold of those promises and our faith grabs hold of who God says He is and we hold on for dear life and expect God to come through because 'He's not a man that He should lie'!
Now I'm not stupid. I know, at least for me, the LAST thing I feel like doing in the midst of a crap storm is puttin a smile on my face and tellin God how amazing and faithful He is, because honestly when it's really bad, it feels like He's already failed me, or He's just given up on my situation and walked away. But there's got to be something deep inside me, that has nothing to do with my heart or my head. It's that place where the rivers of Living waters that flow so easily when things are going good have slowed to a trickle. It's got to be the Spirit inside of me making intercession for me in my weakness.
Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
It's not an easy thing, but it has to be a choice. Not a feeling. But I believe, at least for myself, that if I will make the (numb) decision to begin to praise and worship in my darkest hour that He's going to meet me. That His spirit inside of me will begin to rise up and go hard to work removing those stones that have dammed up those rivers of Living water inside of me. I have to believe that. Because that's faith, and that's what I've got, it's all I've got!
So today I'm thankful for Truth! I have the joy of knowing that I have something inside of me to grab hold of when I'm homeless, when the bank account is empty, when I feel alone, when things feel completely hopeless and it seems there is no future or vision. I have joy. I have something that this world we live in CANNOT offer you. I have promises that were staked on a man's life. They are good to take to the bank. I have hope, even when I don't feel it...because He said I have a HOPE and a FUTURE. And if you read above He promises that ALL things work together for the good of those who love Him. And love Him I DO! And it's true, because I've hated some of the things I've gone through, but I wouldn't be who I am, or married to the amazing husband I have, I wouldn't have the heart or determination I have if I hadn't walked through the hard times and if those things hadn't 'worked together for my good'! I have more than all the money in the world combined could ever give me, in my God! I'm grateful that I have a way to pull myself out of the hard times. As David said, 'I will strengthen myself in the Lord. He was good at that, and I want to be the same. I'll end with this, in Psalms 13 He starts out being honest with God (which is fine), but by the end, his cicumstances haven't changed, he's simply made a decision to trust in God's faithfulness.
1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
So this got me thinking a bit. When God would send the Israelites to war, it wasn't those who were going to be doing the fighting who were on the front lines, it was the worshipers. There's so many places in the bible it talks about in your darkest times, in the worst part of the storm, that's the place to begin to praise God for His faithfulness, to worship Him because of who He is, to remember! Because when we remember His faithfulness and what He's done for us in the past and how He's never failed us and so far we've never been left to die in a storm, then we grab hold of something tangible in the spirit realm and we pull it into our now! It's exactly what we do when we read the word. We read (and remember) the faithfulness of God for others and the promises that were made to us in those times and we grab hold of those promises and our faith grabs hold of who God says He is and we hold on for dear life and expect God to come through because 'He's not a man that He should lie'!
Now I'm not stupid. I know, at least for me, the LAST thing I feel like doing in the midst of a crap storm is puttin a smile on my face and tellin God how amazing and faithful He is, because honestly when it's really bad, it feels like He's already failed me, or He's just given up on my situation and walked away. But there's got to be something deep inside me, that has nothing to do with my heart or my head. It's that place where the rivers of Living waters that flow so easily when things are going good have slowed to a trickle. It's got to be the Spirit inside of me making intercession for me in my weakness.
Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
It's not an easy thing, but it has to be a choice. Not a feeling. But I believe, at least for myself, that if I will make the (numb) decision to begin to praise and worship in my darkest hour that He's going to meet me. That His spirit inside of me will begin to rise up and go hard to work removing those stones that have dammed up those rivers of Living water inside of me. I have to believe that. Because that's faith, and that's what I've got, it's all I've got!
So today I'm thankful for Truth! I have the joy of knowing that I have something inside of me to grab hold of when I'm homeless, when the bank account is empty, when I feel alone, when things feel completely hopeless and it seems there is no future or vision. I have joy. I have something that this world we live in CANNOT offer you. I have promises that were staked on a man's life. They are good to take to the bank. I have hope, even when I don't feel it...because He said I have a HOPE and a FUTURE. And if you read above He promises that ALL things work together for the good of those who love Him. And love Him I DO! And it's true, because I've hated some of the things I've gone through, but I wouldn't be who I am, or married to the amazing husband I have, I wouldn't have the heart or determination I have if I hadn't walked through the hard times and if those things hadn't 'worked together for my good'! I have more than all the money in the world combined could ever give me, in my God! I'm grateful that I have a way to pull myself out of the hard times. As David said, 'I will strengthen myself in the Lord. He was good at that, and I want to be the same. I'll end with this, in Psalms 13 He starts out being honest with God (which is fine), but by the end, his cicumstances haven't changed, he's simply made a decision to trust in God's faithfulness.
1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
My Heart is Satisfied
(Really has nothing to do with the blog...just a little humor for your health)
WooHoo Lacey! Day 3 and already struggling.
I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed I guess. But I'm grateful......ummmm, grateful fooooor, uh. Just a sec, it's coming......
Ooooh, I know! I'm grateful that I was blessed with the personality I have. I'm not scared of having my own opinions and stubbornly clinging on to them even if they're different for everyone else's. Sure it causes a little trouble now and again but on the good side, I think it's kept me from alot of insecurities and being swayed by a disgustingly politically correct world with lots of opinions on how you should do everything. When I've made up my mind about something I'm confident in it. And I'm grateful for that. I tend to be a 'glass half full' kind of person. Not all the time and not in everything, but I think those things were created in me as I was being knit together by the hands of God. God made me a strong and confident woman. I don't really have a list of tangible and circumstantial things to be grateful for today (Not that I don't have them, I have lots to be grateful for, I just haven't listed them today) but I think these tools that God has equipped me with have been of enormous value to me in difficult times. I don't know that I could have walked through some of the storms I've walked through and come out the same.
So I'm grateful! I may not have a massive smile on my face today, but my heart is satisfied.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
A challenge to myself
It amazes me that the people that seem the happiest aren't those who have the most money, things, or have everything going right in their lives, but it's the people who have decided to put on their rose colored shades in life. It's really just a matter of perspective.
The truth is the economy SUCKS, this season has been hell and the worst part is that it doesn't seem to be over. But everywhere that I turn these past few months it seems like I keep having this subject of thankfulness, blessing, and praise thrown in my face. I was listening to a message the other night and the guy said, 'God is not most moved by need, if He were India would be one of the wealthiest nations in the world.' Sometimes I think to myself, 'surely God must see how bad things are and feel bad for me' but I forget He's waiting to see how I respond to how bad things are. There are so many people I see that don't have much but they are so grateful, always talking about how good God has been to them. I was even thinking about a family I know of (the Hingers for those that know them) whose home caught fire recently. They were able to stop it before it got too serious, but it still burned through their roof. The first thing I read about it they were thanking God for His faithfulness....it didn't burn their whole home, they weren't injured, etc...but honestly if it were me, in the midst of this season I can't say I'd react the same. I'd probably be like what the heck?!?! Why couldn't God keep our house from catching fire in the first place, and right before Christmas?? Anyways you catch my drift.
Here's what I'm getting at it seems that God blesses a thankful heart more than a grumbling one. And a thankful heart seems more willing to give, happier, and more content with life. Right now I've got alot of things to feel sorry for myself about, but then again when I decide to change my perspective and my expectations, I can see that I'm really blessed. So I'm going to make the effort to change the way I look at things and try to find a way to be thankful for everyday and the things affecting me each day. Cause I keep forgetting that when God took the Israelites out of Egypt they didn't walk straight into the promised land. There was a journey to get there, and even when they got there (finally! because all their grumbling held them up quite a few years) there were still battles to fight to claim the land, things weren't perfect, but God had told them the land was theirs so they knew going into the battles that they already had the victory. I've got to stop thinking that things will one day be perfect, that things won't take work, that there will be a day with no troubles or battles, but that I'm blessed because when God sends me somewhere He's there with me, that my battles are not going to get the better of me. I have promises! Timing is another issue, for another day ;-)
Here are a couple verses about being told to be thankful:
- rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
- Colossians 3:15
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. - Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.
- Hebrews 12:28
Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe,
So today I am thankful because I really had a desire to be able to buy gifts for my family last year but we couldn't afford anything, but this year God has blessed us with work so that I've been able to buy everyone a little something. It feels really good to be able to give. For so many years growing up I got so used to receiving, but since being married to Erik I have learned more about the joy of giving in a year than I've learned in a lifetime. He has taught me so much about being smart with money and still having a heart to give. I love that when we don't have money to buy things for others we have our time to give, I'm so thankful that he's broken me out of some really childish and selfish mindsets. I'm thankful for such a wonderful husband!
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